Yesterday, in Jesus Time @ 9 (Sunday School for us 20-somethings) we talked about comparisons and how when we compare ourselves to others and others actions, we believe the enemy's lies that we need to be different and fall away from what God's plan is. This completly kicked my butt. Sometimes, I feel like my whole life is one big comparison I make to all the people around me. It sucks! I know this stems from hurts and lies I have been believing since I was a very little girl that I probably didn't have any control of at the time and wasn't my fault, but it's time to take control and change something. Unfortunetly I have said this a million times and still I wrestle. I think I have always told God that I would give Him a break on this one, that He didn't need to deal with my sillyness of thinking everyone else is better than I am, but that was another lie I believed. I can't do it.
I got to church and was so emotional and hating it. I was crying because I knew it was all true. Then Pastor D had to get up there and say that he felt like some people were doing battle and to feel free to come to the alter or whatever we needed to do. I couldn't move so I just sat there and cried harder (which I hate, and hate that I hate...) and felt God telling me that I was good just how I was. He made me strong, and emotional, with a sensative heart and spirit, and that was ok.
Enough of this. I need you Lord. I keep thinking I can do it on my own, but as always, I cannot. I'm done trying to be who I think everyone else wants me to, because they probably love me just for me. So trivial, yet so hard...
Monday, August 18, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
lots of the things
AH! Things have been so crazy! I haven't even written about Mexico Round 2, Youthworks style...all you need to know is that it was amazing and I met some amazing people. Right after that I watched some great fireworks with great people and celebrated the Independence of the United States of America, even though I'm not really sure how I feel about it, and then began my trek home, up the State of CA stopping in the LA area to visit Shannon and her family and then to see my Aunt and Uncle in the Fresno area. I got back to a very sad Oroville. Smoke and fire filled all of the places as the surrounding areas of Con Cow, and Paradise threatened to burn to the ground. It breaks my heart what has happened and is still happening to our North State. I do not doubt that the enemy has been at work in this, but I also believe that this could be a chance for our community to step up and show the love of Jesus like we have never done before. I hope we have done that at least a little bit already.
So we escaped the bad air for a week at camp, which was by far the best camp I have ever had as a staff person. I played camp nurse and was a counselor to some amazing girls! I would love to tell you all about it, so ask me sometime, but in short...we trusted God and He showed up in a huge way. On top of the cool things that happened at camp, I felt like I had never been so full of love to give away ever in my life. Usually by Thursday of camp, I am ready to come home, but this summer I didn't even need to take a break. Jesus poured His love into me and hopefully through me.
While we were at camp tragedy struck Oroville yet again. This way it was in the form of murder that hit way too close to home. Our children's pastor's assistant who was also her niece, Leah and her two young children were murdered by her boyfriend. We happened to have Leah's two cousins at camp with us so we rushed them home and attempted to mourn while not letting the enemy toy with our hearts in the form of distraction. It goes without saying that it hit our community and church hard.
Shortly after camp my new room mate Lexi and I moved into our new house! Lexi is buying the house she grew up in from her mom and I am renting from her. It is an awesome old house with tons of character. Please stop by anytime when we are home for a tour! I feel so blessed to have a home! We want our home to be a safe place for people if they need it. Lexi and I both believe that God has given us things so we can give them away. I know that a lot of people in Oroville feel the same way. Community living has become a buzz phrase (is there such a thing as a buzz phrase?) that I want to embrace.
I have also started my new job! I'm officially working in the Rose Lane house in Paradise! It is a group home for emotionally disturbed adolescent girls. These girls have had unspeakable things happen to them. I hope and pray that God will fill my heart with the love I need to love them like He does.
So many exciting things are happening in our community and I cannot wait to talk about them all! But now is not the time :) Now that the Internet is working and life is getting to some type of normal I hope to writing much more. Hopefully they all wont be so long. haha ok...bye for now...please call or email me and tell me about your life because chances are I haven't seen you in a while and I miss you!
Love Love Love
So we escaped the bad air for a week at camp, which was by far the best camp I have ever had as a staff person. I played camp nurse and was a counselor to some amazing girls! I would love to tell you all about it, so ask me sometime, but in short...we trusted God and He showed up in a huge way. On top of the cool things that happened at camp, I felt like I had never been so full of love to give away ever in my life. Usually by Thursday of camp, I am ready to come home, but this summer I didn't even need to take a break. Jesus poured His love into me and hopefully through me.
While we were at camp tragedy struck Oroville yet again. This way it was in the form of murder that hit way too close to home. Our children's pastor's assistant who was also her niece, Leah and her two young children were murdered by her boyfriend. We happened to have Leah's two cousins at camp with us so we rushed them home and attempted to mourn while not letting the enemy toy with our hearts in the form of distraction. It goes without saying that it hit our community and church hard.
Shortly after camp my new room mate Lexi and I moved into our new house! Lexi is buying the house she grew up in from her mom and I am renting from her. It is an awesome old house with tons of character. Please stop by anytime when we are home for a tour! I feel so blessed to have a home! We want our home to be a safe place for people if they need it. Lexi and I both believe that God has given us things so we can give them away. I know that a lot of people in Oroville feel the same way. Community living has become a buzz phrase (is there such a thing as a buzz phrase?) that I want to embrace.
I have also started my new job! I'm officially working in the Rose Lane house in Paradise! It is a group home for emotionally disturbed adolescent girls. These girls have had unspeakable things happen to them. I hope and pray that God will fill my heart with the love I need to love them like He does.
So many exciting things are happening in our community and I cannot wait to talk about them all! But now is not the time :) Now that the Internet is working and life is getting to some type of normal I hope to writing much more. Hopefully they all wont be so long. haha ok...bye for now...please call or email me and tell me about your life because chances are I haven't seen you in a while and I miss you!
Love Love Love
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