Comparisons

Yesterday, in Jesus Time @ 9 (Sunday School for us 20-somethings) we talked about comparisons and how when we compare ourselves to others and others actions, we believe the enemy's lies that we need to be different and fall away from what God's plan is. This completly kicked my butt. Sometimes, I feel like my whole life is one big comparison I make to all the people around me. It sucks! I know this stems from hurts and lies I have been believing since I was a very little girl that I probably didn't have any control of at the time and wasn't my fault, but it's time to take control and change something. Unfortunetly I have said this a million times and still I wrestle. I think I have always told God that I would give Him a break on this one, that He didn't need to deal with my sillyness of thinking everyone else is better than I am, but that was another lie I believed. I can't do it.
I got to church and was so emotional and hating it. I was crying because I knew it was all true. Then Pastor D had to get up there and say that he felt like some people were doing battle and to feel free to come to the alter or whatever we needed to do. I couldn't move so I just sat there and cried harder (which I hate, and hate that I hate...) and felt God telling me that I was good just how I was. He made me strong, and emotional, with a sensative heart and spirit, and that was ok.
Enough of this. I need you Lord. I keep thinking I can do it on my own, but as always, I cannot. I'm done trying to be who I think everyone else wants me to, because they probably love me just for me. So trivial, yet so hard...