Servant

So I let it all go. I put it all down. The anger that has been torturing my body and giving me a false sense of control for years now. All down. At the foot of the cross. Made into a table to grace. Forgiveness.
Mathew 18:21-35
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven time?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me.' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
The parable of the unmerciful servant. This is me. God has forgiven me of so much and yet I go out and throw other people in prison everyday for the wrongs they have done to me. I forgave him. I let it go. I put it down and built a table out of it. A table of grace.
This morning I was explaining to a friend that I felt that my forgiveness was being taken advantage of. And what my friend told me was that I was not being taken advantage of because I gave up the advantage. I gave up the advantage. I gave up the rights of anger and hostility. This makes me feel very vulnerable and like I am allowing myself to be treated as if I were a door mat. I have forgiven you, sure, but that does not give you the right to treat me however you want to. True, but do you hear the anger in there? I feel it. Jesus told me this morning that being vulnerable is where forgiveness puts you. Vulnerability is many times associated with being alone. This is a lie and Jesus told me that I will be vulnerable but I will never be alone. Jesus will go with me to dinner tomorrow night and no matter how the other person treats me, I will treat him with grace and love and mercy...because He first loved me.